Notebook / Misc

the names have been changed to protect the guilty...

in

douchebagI've always tried not to get into the habit of publicly flogging people on the internet, it's just too easy. I also realize that this will probably fall on deaf ears for the most part... However, I thought this little gem in my inbox needed to be addressed... all names have been omitted to protect the guilty... Hey Joseph,

I'm Clueless, Head of Design at Some Start Up. I came across your work on Behance, and think you might be a great fit for a job we have if you are available. I love your candid b&w style, I take a similar approach to my own photos: http://instagram.com/myterriblephotos, although I sold my DSLR a few years back to go iPhone only. The best camera is the one you have with you type of thing.

We are looking for a fresh vérité approach of photographing Developers & Designers that we have placed through our platform working at their new jobs. Candid style shots, more Instagram than photoshoot. Locations would be at startups in and around San Francisco. You or myself would also be converting the photos into black and white, as we are rebranding with a new name, and a subtle black and white aesthetic. If you are interested, I can send you the new brand manual and mockups of the site after signing an NDA agreement.

Let me know what your thoughts are, and if you think you might be a good fit!

~Clueless

And my response...

Cluesless,

Thanks for your interest in my work. I'm more than happy to discuss your project, although in the interest of transparency you should be aware that I don't actually shoot any of my work digitally. Anything you may have seen on Behance, or anywhere else online for that matter, is entirely analog, all shot on film with very little if any post processing at all; no filters, no Photoshop, just old fashion film. Incidentally, I do teach a digital photography course, go figure...

That said, if you believe my style of work would be a good fit, I'm happy to take a look at your brand manual, feel free to send along an NDA, and we'll go from there. In the meantime, do you have a ballpark figure of how many photographs you'll need? How many different locations are we talking about? What's your timeline for completion? Do you have a firm, flat rate budget for this project? Any more project specific information you can give me would be great.

Thanks again for the interest.

Best,

Joseph

And his reply...

Hey Joseph,

Thanks for the quick reply. I'm not sure that analog is the most economical solution for this job. I'll have to think it over and weigh it against the other candidates.

~Clueless

Translation:

Hey there, I really dig your photos, I will now compare my filtered instagram photographs of my dinner to your life's work, also I sold my $3000 DSLR because I figured a phone would work just as well, we'd like some photographs just like yours for our company / website / whatever, also, it would be cool if you could make them black and white and then filter them like instagram, because I'm pretty sure that's how people make photographs like that, awesome right? Oh yeah and you have to sign a non disclosure agreement so you don't steal our totally super rad new app technology that can locate a way out of this paper bag I'm stuck in...
Whoa, wait, you shoot film? we totally can't afford the extra 75 bucks in film and processing that you would charge us to do this the right way, but that's cool because we have another guy who is billing us back 800 bucks per shoot for renting a 5D and a 1200 watt second light pack that he already owns...
Please, please help me out of this paper bag...
Thanks,
~Douche Nozzle
And he was never heard from again...

My Lung Was On Vacation

in

20110706-024011.jpg My apologies for the hiatus and lack of updates, my lung was on vacation... I woke up last Saturday morning a little short of breath, which turned into "shit I really can't breath and it feels like a truck is parked on my chest, I should probably see someone about that."

This has happened before, my left lung spontaneously collapsed about five years ago, so I knew the drill. If you are interested in the mechanics, check out Wikipedia.

Took a cab to the ER, stumbled in, pulled up a chair to the admit window and slumped down. The woman behind the glass was amazing, big giant hair, obscenely long finger nails. She asked if she could help me.

"Yes ma'am, I have a spontaneous pneumothorax and it really hurts."

Her response, and I quote "child you talkin' crazy."

So after 11 days in the hospital, 2 different chest tubes, and a small operation, my right lung has been re-inflated, at least for the time being. Recovering well so far, probably be be down and out for another week, but hope to get back to posting soon.

So again, my apologies for the hiatus, my lung was on vacation...